How Do I Stop My Friend From Stealing My Wedding Ideas?
February 11, 2009 by Unique Wedding Ideas
Filed under Wedding Ideas
Can you answer wrtrchk’s question about Weddings?:
My dear friend and I were planning our weddings at the same time. During the process, she has wanted to use my wedding colors, floral ideas, photographer, and party favors. I tried helping her select her own invitations and waited until she ordered certain things pertaining to her wedding before answering any questions about my personal plans. Now that my wedding has passed (and yes she was in it) it has gotten worse! She wants to borrow my tiara, use the music I played in the ceremony, the location where I had my bridal shower, etc!!!! I worked my behind off to plan my own beautiful occasion. I am in her upcoming wedding. I’ve told her that she needs to use her own special touch but she’s not getting it.
My dear friend and I were planning our weddings at the same time. During the process, she has wanted to use my wedding colors, floral ideas, photographer, and party favors. I tried helping her select her own invitations and waited until she ordered certain things pertaining to her wedding before answering any questions about my personal plans. Now that my wedding has passed (and yes she was in it) it has gotten worse! She wants to borrow my tiara, use the music I played in the ceremony, the location where I had my bridal shower, etc!!!! I worked my behind off to plan my own beautiful occasion. I am in her upcoming wedding. I’ve told her that she needs to use her own special touch but she’s not getting it.
How do I tell her to use her own creativity without causing tension?
We’ve been friends for over 10 years.
Yes my wedding was original because it was a Harlem Renaissance/1930s theme. The only people who were at my wedding who will attend hers is my friend and her future husband, therefore, everything she copies she will get the credit for. I know it seems silly but it’s sillier to me to copy someone else’s wedding. Did I tell you she changed her plans and is honeymooning at the same place I am?!
Wedding Hair And Makeup
Weddings Feedback: Keep her out of the loop.
Weddings Feedback: Don’t worry about it. Let her copy you and just be flattered that she likes your taste so much.
Weddings Feedback: It’s good that yours was first - everyone will know that she is copying you, and not vice versa. I would actually think of it as flattery. If she isn’t creative, then she just isn’t. It’s a shame, but there’s not much you can really do.
Weddings Feedback: DON’T TELL HER YOUR IDEAS, OR GIVE HER FALSE ONES
Weddings Feedback: Don’t tell her your ideas…but obviously it’s too late. Just tell her that she should pick her own colors, etc. n
Weddings Feedback: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Obviously, you have good taste…so why not share it? I was under the impression that friends helped each other out, and it’s not as if she’s taking anything away from you.
Weddings Feedback: stop telling her what you are going to do
Weddings Feedback: well she seen everything you did at your wedding so it’s not a secret anymore. If she asks you where you got anything or the number for a specific location just play dumb. It’s so sad when your wedding is being copied. A wedding is suppose to be a wonderful day that you and your fiance planned and to be unique for the two of you. She needs to follow her own taste and creative design.
Weddings Feedback: This may not be the best way to do it, but if I were you I’d drag my feet on the things she wanted from me until she was forced to do it on her own. Pretty sure that’s a very passive way of avoiding the problem, but it might work. You could try explaining to her exactly how you’re feeling but people rarely take that advice anyway. Good luck!
Weddings Feedback: Copying someone is a compliment! She can do whatever she wants even if it’s exactly like yours! It’s her choice and nothing you can do about it!
Weddings Feedback: Sounds like she even stole your date of the wedding.
Weddings Feedback: She wants her wedding to be as lovely as yours and she’s copyng you. Remember the saying, “Imitiation is the sincerest form of flattery”.
It seems to bother you , but she is not bothered at all. Let it go if you can.
Weddings Feedback: Since you wedding is done and over with, let her copy your ideas. I think someday she will regret not planning things out on her own.
Weddings Feedback: Since your wedding was first you could be flattered she wishes to use your ideas, safe in the knowledge you had the ideas first. If you can’t view it as flattering when she asks to borrow your tiara etc. simply say you’d rather not as you want to keep everything from your wedding personal. It’s always better to be honest sooner rather than later.
Weddings Feedback: That is just plain silly and wrong, I would hate it if my friend copied me. Don’t aid her in anyway with copying your ideas. If she wants to copy let her do it by herself and tell her how it bothers you. If you suppress your emotions she will think its ok so confront her, and if she does it anyway then she doesn’t care about your feelings and if she doesn’t care about your feelings then stop caring about hers. That’s like you writing a bestselling novel and someone coming in and writing their version of your novel without your permission.
Weddings Feedback: I know that it is hard to be flattered when you put so much time and effort into your ideas while she is just taking them and running with it. since you had yours first and it sounds like there will be some of the same people there (which could also be a great reason you could use on why she should try to add her own ideas), they will know the score. In regards to her “borrowing” your things from the first wedding, I would simply state that these are rather personal keepsakes and you have put them away for your children.
Weddings Feedback: sounds like you should be getting a wedding planning fee. I don’t know why she would want to steal your ideas for your wedding since you two are individuals and her wedding should be personalized to fit her and her future hubby. This is weird that she would want the exact same thing as you. Or then again maybe you should be flattered that she really liked your ideas that you came up with for your wedding. She liked how your wedding turned out and don’t want to take any chances ruining hers by using a different DJ, photographer etc.
Weddings Feedback: Tell her you have changed venue to Mcdonalds, Music to some godawful freeform jazz dirge, flowers to triffids, photographer to Robert Maplethorpe (ouch) etc - let her rip off those ideas.
Weddings Feedback: Obviously, you have a creative flair for this sort of thing which she does not. Guide her via suggestions like “You know, I think warmer colors might be better for you, since your eyes are so much darker.” I’m not sure what the problem is with your friend using the same locations. If you have already researched and determined them to be best, then why should she duplicate your research?
Weddings Feedback: DON’T let her borrow your tiara OR use your music that was played in the ceremony. You “lost” it or is being taken care of somewhere else. Don’t tell her where or what type it was.
SHE does not dictate where her bridal shower is being held. If you can, talk to the bridal party and ensure its not being held where yours was held.
Or you can consider it flattering, it should not lessen your beautiful day.
Edit: As long as she is not at your honeymoon location the same time you are, don’t worry about that. I haven’t told ANYONE the exact location I plan on having the honeymoon and don’t plan on it until we get back.
Weddings Feedback: What a difficult question. How close are you? Maybe she is being sincere and loved your wedding so much she wants something similar. As to borrowing your tiara, well, that is up to you, but if you don’t, tell her you already had it vacuum packed along with your dress and it is such a fuss to open the package once it’s sealed, etc, etc. Offer to go tiara shopping with her, but of course she has to understand this might be a one timer, because you are already busy getting on with your life as as newlyweds. Sort of become unavailable if need be.
Maybe she actually has no special touch. Some people are seriously lacking in it. Have her look over bridal magazines or visit one of those places like wedding expos, where all the wedding suppliers hold a sort of convention and you can browse through all of them in one place. This is a great place to get ideas.
Weddings Feedback: I think I would have a memory lapse! When she asks where or how or what, just tell her that you just don’t remember, there was so much going on then and since that there are some things that you just forgot. Also, if she wants to borrow things, or asks you to look up the things you forgot, I’d just either ‘forget to do so’ or tell her they are all in storage packed away. As for your tiara - that’s your call you can either let her use it as her something borrowed - or you can tell her the style doesn’t go with her gown, or tell her that something else will look so much better.
I’m afraid this girl will not understand subtlety, so either come right out and tell her that you did the work for your own wedding so unless she plans to pay you as consultant, she can do her own work!
Weddings Feedback: you dont have to be rude, but be very serious just tell her that you think she should come up with her own ideas for her own wedding, thats one option. or you can stop telling her stuff tell her her needs to wait like everyone else. if her wedding is after yous then tell her not to use the stuff of your that she was planning. good luck sweetie and get tuff if you have to.and if she is your real friend then she wont give you a hard time about it.
Weddings Feedback: When she is planning things, say ” that’s what I did” keep saying it and maybe she will finally see that she is copying what you had. As far as the Tiara, I would say that you think she should get her own so someday she can pass it on to her daughter when she gets married. You can’t stop her from where she has her bridal shower, If you had your music taped, then go have something different taped for her and when something is said ” oh I got them mixed up, I must have misplaced it, or suggest that you help her pick out some thing that is special for both of them. There might not be a way to tell her, but you can only suggest different things.
Weddings Feedback: Who cares? You already had yours, if she copies it, it just looks like she’s unoriginal it doesn’t take away from your special day. It takes away from hers. Then again I’m a guy, I’d be just as happy with a vegas quickie as a real one.
Weddings Feedback: planning a wedding and the wedding day are among the most beautiful things in life…and she should want to have a unique wedding by adding her personal touch…as for the tiara…tell her that she should use her own tiara…because if she keeps it over the years, she could pass it on to her daughter if she should have one..she could start a tradition in her family
Weddings Feedback: Sadly, I can almost promise you that everything you’ve done in your wedding has been done before. If you saw it in a bridal book, you were copying, too…
She saw what she liked and is using it. It’s not going to be the same people at the wedding, and for those that ARE going to attend both, they will know that you had those things first…
Weddings Feedback: Obviously she knows all your ideas as she was in your wedding, so not much you can do about that. Honestly, how does her having some similar things in her wedding in any way ruin your special day? It will be obvious to some people who attend both weddings that she copied you. And it doesn’t take away from how great your day was to you.
If you really don’t like it, tell her straight up to stop stealing your ideas. But since your wedding is over and done with, I would just let bygones be bygones and not worry about it.
Weddings Feedback: your wedding is already passed and chances are you weren’t the first person to come up with all of your ideas. they are really fair game - keep suggesting other ideas for her, but unfortunately theres not much you can do about it. it’s only material items from your wedding- atleast she’s not trying to steal your marriage and your man. focus on what really counts.
Weddings Feedback: I’m guessing you both would have many of the same people at your weddings, in which case, she looks like a copycat and lame since you just got married with the exact same stuff she is trying to copy.
I understand why you are annoyed, you have ever right to be. I would be, too. I would just make excuses (about packing away the tiara, or tell her you lost the number of your florist, etc.) and hope that she would take the hint. If she’s really dim, you should say something like “I feel like your wedding is not really reflecting your personality and your interests, as a couple. Would you like me to help you come up with some ideas?” Use themes from their relationship to create a wedding theme, or potentially wedding colors (say, if they’re both golfers, they can use green). Trust me, if she’s as unoriginal as you say, she will need all the help she can get.
Weddings Feedback: copying is the best form of flattery.
i know it sucks, but for the sake of your friendship, just let her go.
you had your wedding first, so at least anyone who gets the “deja vu” feeling will be thinking, this chick is copying off of you…and not the other way around.
if she wants to copy your wedding, just let her….
or you can mention next time she asks about something from your wedding….
“you know, you’re using an awful lot of ideas from my wedding…are you sure you don’t want something more original???”
it may sting, but if it’s bothering you that much….maybe you should speak up and maybe she doesn’t even realize what she’s doing!
Weddings Feedback: This is bizarre. I know while I’m planning my wedding I’ve been trying so hard to make sure I DON’T copy anything my friends have done before. I cannot imagine purposely asking to repeat their ideas. And yeah, I get what people are saying about it being flattering, but I wouldn’t care if it were me. I wouldn’t want someone to come behind me and do my exact wedding all over again. Sure, every idea you have, someone has done before, but generally a close friend hasn’t done them all! I’d be ticked, and would have to agree with Cory C…I’d be having amnesia on a lot of things I’d done. As far as the tiara goes. That’s sacred to me. That was a special part of my day, and unless it was my daughter, I can’t see myself letting someone borrow it. Try to help her forget your plans and help her make some of her own ones. Maybe go to websites together or look at new magazines and steer her toward something that doesn’t resemble yours as much. Maybe even lie to her and say something like “You know, that was nice at my wedding, but if I had it to do all over again, I would have chosen something different.” Maybe she’ll follow that advice.
Weddings Feedback: There are only so many ways to throw a wedding, and you already had yours. Are all the same people going to be in attendance? I am guessing probably not. So who cares if she uses your idea or borrows something from you? Where will your tiara get better use? In a box in the attic, or loaning it to a good friend?
Now that my wedding is over, I have a friend who is *sort of* planning a wedding. Not officially yet. But the first thing I am thinkig is that I can save her a bunch of time and money if she is interested in borrowing any of my stuff… like the tiara, jewelry, decorations. I even ended up with all the certerpieces.
I think this is one of those things that you should just let slide. It’s really not going to hurt you in the grand scheme of things.
Weddings Feedback: You know, you don’t have a copyright on your wedding theme.
That said, you don’t owe her any assistance in copying yours. Simply stop helping her.
Weddings Feedback: I would consider it more flattery than anything. Let her do what she wants for her wedding….after all, you got the chance to do what you wanted. If you have already told her to use her own flair and she is not, there is little you can do. Besides, your wedding was first and anyone who will be witness to both either will know she is copying you….or they will not even notice the similarities. Bottom line, she is your friend and this is how she wants to do it. The only thing you can say no to is the tiara I guess… be happy for her. I’m sure she was with you.
Weddings Feedback: she’s wanting to be like you because she likes what you did, I’d be honored that someone would want to have stuff the same way you did. If it bothers you this much tell her what you just told us.
Weddings Feedback: It may be understandable that she may want to use some of the same things like venue (it worked so well for your needs too) and such.
However it is not understandable that she also wants to use such personal things as the music and your tiara.
Remember all the other ideas you had? Different songs that had to be set aside? Other color combinations? The other tiara you almost chose? Different traditions that sounded great but you just didnt use?
Tell her you liked the songs you chose but there was also this other one there just wasn’t time to include. You saw this tiara after puchasing the one you have now and the other one would look so great on her. Take her shopping to try it on. Try to direct her somewhere else.
Tell her you love the creative process and want to help her make hers as unique as possible.
Weddings Feedback: stop sharing w her
Weddings Feedback: As annoying as this is, it is actually kind of sad too. This poor girl obviously does not have enough confidence in herself or her decisions to follow through with plans of her own. That is why she is using your ideas. She must really value your taste and opinions! In a way, it is flattering, but I do understand your feelings too!
There may not be anything you can do, unless you really want to hurt her feelings.